I was Interviewed by a Princess

Princess of the Universe Interviewed me and here are the questions she asked...

1. So your Dad's a blogger too, is that a lot of pressure to live up to? Do you try to make your blog like his?
My father is a blogger too and he did encourage me to start my own. My father is a lot like me in multiple ways and he knew this would be some kind of therapy for me to talk about stuff that sometimes I don't want to. I do try to make it funny since he is, but some of my darker side will come across in some later posts I am just having some fun right now. He is very calculated in what he posts and I am very random, my mind goes I million miles a minute and his does not.
2. On that note, what's the worst thing you ever did as a child and totally got caught and grounded for?
I would have to say when I got caught smoking at a very young age. I used to steal packs of cigs and my father never knew until, they caught my sister with one in her room and she totally ratted me out. I was grounded forever, I was about 12 years old then. I do smoke now and still love the taste of Menthol.
3. I know that your Dad reads this, so is there anything that you did (as a child/five minutes ago) that you're willing to confess to here? (Let's remember this is a public forum- I maybe wouldn't confess to any major felonies here.)
I moved out of my fathers house when I was a freshman in high school and moved in with my mother. I did this to protect her from her 2nd husband and my ex-stepfather. I was a punching bag mentally and physically for 4 years and never told my father until recently. I did it because my stepfather hated me so much and he didn't mess with my mom or my sisters when I moved in. I did do terrible things to him later in life. When I was 17 I got in a huge fight with him and hocked up a huge snot ball and spit in his face, I did it in front of my brothers friend and my brother, when he went to hit me he couldn't because there were witnesses and I was a minor. That was one of the best days of my life, my mother left him about a week later. I came home and she told me to get my stuff we were leaving, we left and I never had to see him again. I keep tabs on him, the day he dies Dumbass and Sookie will go to the funeral, get drinks and dance on his grave. Just the three of us, fuck therapy that it all I need.
4. I feel like I need to censor my questions because of parental participation, so I'm gonna give you a choice on this one:a) How old were you when you lost your virginity? Are you willing to tell the story?b) (G-rated question) What is the worst date you've ever been on?
My father and me are pretty open so I don't mind asking about my virginity. I was 17, January 17th 2000. It was with Derrick my first real boyfriend. It was at his house, in his bed, we were listening to NIN (Fragile disk Left). He was very respectful and asked me an million times, because he wanted to make sure I was ready. It was ok, I was glad that sex got better over the years. ***Warning this might be IMI for some of you*** I am lucky I can have orgasms by intercourse, My husband was the only guy that sex was so good that I found that out.
5. What kind of housekeeper are you? Neat Freak? You name your pet dust bunnies?
I have small children so I like to say that I am clean but cluttered. My kitchen is always spotless and so is my bedroom since those are the only places the babies don't have access to. The rest of the house is full of toys..... mountains and mountains of toys.

xo

The only rules are that you have to link back to this post .

Want to be part of it? Follow these instructions:

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions."

Young Girls in Bikinis for the guys and Barbie houses for the ladies

I thought that I would flashback to Past Christmases, some of my favorite moments.....

Christmas 1998- After all the whoop la of family stuff during times that I normally like to forget..... I have a treasure of a memory. My Best Friends in high school (and still my best friends) "Jill" and "Scarlett" came over with their bikinis and a bottle of what we told my Mom was "Sparkling Wine" (really it was a bottle of gods knows what, I remember it was cheap liquor of some kind) and went out to my Hot Tub outside and sat in the hot water with our cheap liquor..... It snowed, we spent hours out there, talking about life and love (HA! we were sixteen what did we know). It was one of my favorite because life was simple, I had the whole world out in front of me. My best friends were there.... I love you ladies

Christmas 1988 or 1989 I was a child so I don't quite remember- It was still when my parents were still married, we were living in a pink house on 40th Street in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I can picture that house, on the Air Force base, wood floors, four bedrooms. I had a full size bed and my own room but my brother "Dumbass" and my sister "Sookie" would still end up in my bed by the end of the night, every night. I remember waking up about 4:00am after "Santa" came and ate our cookies and brought us our presents. We never opened them until my parents got up but we looked in our stockings and would sleep on the floor by the tree. My mom would make bread pudding for breakfast. Dumbass got a GI Joe aircraft carrier and I got a "Barbie" house that was actually a piece of furniture that I would be able to use later in life... That "Barbie" house had many uses after that, but that will be a story for another day.

Christmases Present- I have my own children this will be the first year that they can both walk and unwrap presents by themselves. This one will be a little melancholy for me... I will get to enjoy it because I won't have to work, so that's nice. I am not on speaking terms with my mother so I won't to get to see my half sisters who are 10 and 13 (I did sneak presents over to them though, texting is an awesome thing). I will get to see Dad, Princess and Dumbass is bringing Rockstar over, my parents in law will be there (since they live with us). I will get to see my Roo Roo cook in her kitchen that we bought her and Wubbers play with the Garbage truck we bought him (my son has 3 loves in life.. His Stuffed Monkey, Trash and Trucks). I will spend it with Bill, my husband who has brought me something that I haven't been able to figure out yet. All and All I am looking forward to it..... So Merry Christmas everybody!!!!

Christmas Cookies and World Domination

So this weekend I was very excited to get to carry on a tradition that my stepmother Lin, as Dad likes to call her, and I started a few years back, we baked Christmas Cookies. I haven't really got to participate since I have normally worked like a dog during these past years as a "Big Box" Manager (90 hours+ during Christmas and I am not shitting you). This year was different and I decided that I was going to make up for the last few years and do a marathon of baking. Lin and I invited my sister in law Princess to help. Princess and I started promptly at 9:00am and Lin joined us around 12:00pm (Lin had to go to the scrapbook store but brought us pizza so it was cool) I am never and I mean never going to be as ambitious as trying to bake 16 different types of cookies again. When we started it was great, I had caffeine in me, the boys (Dumbass and Bill) watched the kids. Afternoon was OK, I started to drink some Grapefruit Vodka and Tonic's and we were moving at a good pace. Then all hell broke loose, the boys came in to the kitchen because they were bored, Dad showed up and we all got talking and forgot about baking , most everyone moved at a snails pace, Princess got sick, I almost started crying because I was so tried. I didn't, I just kept on trucking....... Princess left with Dumbass and Rockstar because she felt like crap and went home. Dad had to go home to feed his and Lin's furry kids that live at there house (3 big dogs).... That left me and Lin, by 11:00pm we were done for the night. The next morning I got up and finished by myself..... another 4 hours went by... That's right 17 hours of baking. If I ever have to look at another fucking cookie it will be too soon. As good as they are, I don't even want to eat them, right now... I probably will tomorrow though. I will say that the cookies are beautiful and "the divas" call me Betty Crocker since I brought them a plate. My back hurts and my fingers have been burnt or cut. So next year maybe just 10 diffrent types.

In other news..... Princess is Preggers!!!!!! I knew making her drink all that water at my house would work. That is why she was so sick.... I found out that next day (Dumbass called me but told Bill first which is a load of crap because he is my brother, not Bills) World Domination here we come!!!!!!!!

Crappy Gift for Sick People

Thanks to DRZibbs for this idea. Here is my nomination for a crappy gift. For you sick people maybe it is a great gift, who am I to judge.

Yes this is a real item you can buy, it's like a push-up padded penis enhancer for you men. I think that would be false advertising but I guess women do it with their Boobs.

My Baby Girl is Three Today

I cannot believe it my little princess is three today. This post will be sappy so I am warning you now. Its hard for me to remember my adult life before my first baby. I remember being preggers though, IT SUCKED. I gained 78 lbs and I know that most of you don't know what I look like but I was about 115lbs soaking wet at the time that I got preggers. That's right I weighed over 200 lbs !!!! I couldn't walk (I waddled) I couldn't wear shoes (only flipflops) I didn't wear a coat because I was always hot!!!!. Sex was awkward even though it was awesome (one perk) and I always felt like my pelvis was going to break in half. The big day happened... I went to my new best friends office, Dr. Super (at the end of pregnancy you have to go once a week, in my case he got to feel me up twice a week since I was considered a high risk... damn weight gain) Dr. Super told me "Alice, you are not getting better and we can't wait any longer, call Bill and tell him to get ready to take you to the hospital tonight. Your going to have a baby." A couple of things happened then...... I told him I wasn't ready.... I had thought I still had at least 3 more weeks to go.... I needed to have someone help me shave my legs that I couldn't see anymore. I had a pedicure appt. My mother (we were on speaking terms then) who took me to my appt. had to take be back to realty. I hurried home, somehow shaved my legs and we were off. My princess was born some hours later, with the help of some great drugs. We left the hospital some days later, I couldn't believe the people there would actually let me take little Roo Roo home to take care of her, I had no idea what I was doing. When we got to the house, she was sleeping, we just sat on the couch looking at her.... what were we suppose to do with her now. Parenting kicked in and she has survived so far.... lol. Here we are in the present, she looks like her daddy in the eyes but is skinny like me. She is bossy and so very smart, she likes playing dressup and painting. She loves to watch tv (her fav is spongebob) , loves to dance and puts together puzzles that are made for 9 year olds. She tells me she loves me at least 5 times a day, wakes me up every morning by crawling in my bed and giving me a kiss and telling me I look like sleeping beauty. I always tell my friends to wait before they have kids, I am so glad I didn't... Roo Roo and Wubbers make my life worth living everyday.

Old Decrepited Bones

To start off this saga you must understand my daughter Roo Roo. She is almost three if you look back a couple of blogs ago you will remember we had a birthday party a couple of weekends ago for her, Wubbers and Rockstar. She received some "Fairy Princess Ballerina" dress up clothes, Roo Roo puts these outfits on and becomes a superhero. She has a pretty wide vocabulary, which includes, Disgusting, Horrid and now Decrepited. Here is the definition for you:
Decrepit
adjective
1.
worn and broken down by hard use; "a creaky shack"; "a decrepit bus...its seats held together with friction tape"; "a flea-bitten sofa"; "a run-down neighborhood"; "a woebegone old shack" [syn: creaky]
2.
lacking bodily or muscular strength or vitality; "a feeble old woman"; "her body looked sapless" .

Back to the story. When she is "Fairy Princess Ballerina", she can fly, dance and turn things into frogs with her magic wand. One day, my mother in law was upstairs in our living room hanging out with me and the kids, she got up after she had been sitting for a while and exclaimed, "My mean Old Decrepited Bones!". Roo Roo, very worried about Grandma, started looking around asking me "Where is the Mean Old Decrepited Bones Mommy, She hurt Grandma!!" We all lost it, laughing non stop. Roo Roo got very upset that we were letting Old Decrepited Bones get away. Old Decrepited Bones has now taken on a whole new life in our house hold. She is the arch enemy of "Fairy Princess Ballerina Roo Roo". My daughter spends a lot of her day dressing up and hunting Old Decrepited Bones (who lives in the basement) and turns her into a frog. Sometimes Old Decrepited Bones is the blame for every mess made and every bad thing that happens in the house. So some kids might have make believe friends my daughter has a make believe arch enemy.

How I got my "Hood" card

What pray tell I am talking about with a "Hood" card.... Let me explain
I manage a retail store in Saint Louis that has about 6 employees. All of them are African American with the exception of one Caucasian girl but she is married to a African American man so that really doesn't count. Anyway, I took this job in July to get away from the crazy retail management that I was in (I managed 150+ people so this is a nice change of pace). Now I am not a racist person, but I feel a little out numbered sometimes, the "divas" talk about music and stuff that I have no interest in and have not had exposer to. The "divas" today presented me with my "hood" card to make me an honorary white girl that is black on the inside (their words not mine). How do you get a "hood" card because I was just a curious as you might be. First of all I can cook chicken, these "divas" tell me that white people cannot cook chicken. They were afraid when I brought them food in the other day that it would be bad, but they thought it was great so now in there eyes I can cook. Second, they heard me get on to my husband for coming home at 3:30am this morning. They tell me that white girls don't get on to their spouses when they do this, white girls just let it go be cause we are too submissive and let our men walk all over us.

So I am now considered a "Black" girl in their thoughts because I can cook and I gave my husband a hard time when he got in late. OK.......

That is how I got my "Hood" card

I forgot why I am writing this

Remember before you read this that my blog is called "Mindless Rambling of a 26 year old" so know that I have warned you!!! Before I started Blogging I was a Facebookaholic. I still go everyday.... I add friends, and accept gifts, answer my inbox, save the rain forest, send Coach bags, send drinks, and take stupid quizzes. I can blog there too but I have much more fun talking about my family and friends with out them knowing. I was sent a quiz the other day but one of my friends it was called "What is your actual age?" With that inspiration I have made my own quiz up I am calling it "What is your actual age, according to Alice?" After the quiz I have a story to go along with it.

Start with your actual age:

"Are you currently Married?"

Yes- add 5 years
No- Take away 5 years
Divorced- add 10 years

"Do you have children?"

Yes (under 5) add 10 years
Yes (5-12) add 5 years
Yes (13-21) add 10 years
Yes (21+) take away 5 years
No- take away 10 years

"Do you have a tattoo?"

Yes- take away 5 years
No- add 5 years

"Do you Smoke?"

Yes- add 10 years
No- take away 2 years

"Do you partake in adult beverages?"

Yes often- add 10 years
Yes once in awhile- take away 5 years
No- add 5 years

"How many sexual partners have you had?"

1-3: take away 5 years
3-10: add 5 years
10+ : add 10 years

"How many hours asleep do you get a night?"

More than 8 hours- add 5 years.
6-8 hours- take away 5 years
Less than 6 hours- add 10 years

So my actual age is 81..... keep that in mind while you read my story about this morning

This morning went like many other mornings.... I got up at 5:15am (when my husband awoke) rolled back over and reset the alarm for 6:00am. Re woke up at 6:00am, smoked, drank coffee, got dressed and put on my make-up (in that order) I started my 45 min drive to work at 7:00am.....45 mins later as I was pulling in to work "Chopped n' Screwed" rang on my phone (what do you pray tell is that, well "the divas" I manage at my employer thought it would be great to download ring tones to my phone for each of them... TPayne and Ludacris "sings" this song, I am told, but I don't listen to rap so I will have to take their word). One of "the divas" called and said "Whatz up Alice? I thought you were going to pick me up this morning since I don't have a ride." "Shit!!! I forgot, I will be there in a minute, sorry!" I said and then pulled out of the parking lot and started over to her house.... "Supermassive Blackhole (Muse)" starts ringing on my phone (my kids baby sister) she says " Hi Alice, where are you and the kids? You told me that you will be here at 7:30am. Is Everything OK?" I cursed to myself silently since she is very religious woman and said "I'm sorry "Mary" I forgot to call you this morning, since Bill's parents will be dropping them off at 9:00am... Then "Interstate Love Song (Stone Temple Pilots)" rings on my phone one of the other "divas" is on the phone "Girrrrl, Were you at?... You were suppose to be her at 7:30." "Fuck" I said "I had to pick up one of the other "divas"... I forgot all about the cycle counts this morning".. Finally I made it to work at 8:30... I went to the local Bakery and grabbed some bagels for the "divas" and my self, while they opened the store, got back ......9:15am and "Basket Case (Green Day)" rings (the boss) " Hello Ms. Alice, I was under the impression that you and I had a meeting scheduled at 9:00am" (Shiiiit) I thought "Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Boss, I thought our meeting was at 10:00am" (I totally lied, in reality I forgot ). On my way to to the meeting, I thought "Hey this would be a funny blog." On my way back from my mind numbing meeting, guess what..... no shitting you, I forgot what I was planning to blog about. It has taken me the rest of the day to figure it out. So that was my morning, I can't really blame myself, remember, I am actually 81. That is my excuse.

My plan for World Domination

Past weekend My husband and I hosted a "small" party for our little rug rats birthdays, "Roo Roo"(3) and "Wubbers"(2). They are 10 months and 29 days apart... "Irish Twins" they are called often when I tell people. We decided that we would combine their Birthdays this year and make it one big party. Then my Brother and his wife (I affectionately call my brother "Dumbass" and my sister in law "Princess")decided that it would be a great idea if they could also join in the fun and add their daughter "Rockstar"(2) to the party since her birthday also falls in the same month of Liv's Birthday. So here we go.... 20 adults and 10 kids (under the age of 4 years of age) crammed in to my split level house. Lord, I thought the damn house would collapse!!

(Random thought) Now, we have always joked that by drinking or bathing in the tap water in my house would automatically make you very fertile and then (even if you were using birth control. Exhibit 1 my son and exhibit 2 my sisters 3rd child) the female would become preggers in a few weeks. Think I am crazy????? We have had 13 pregnancies in our little group in the last 4 years. I should bottle this stuff and make millions!!!! Then it hit me...my friends, family and I should try take over the world with our spawn!!!!! Now my siblings and I would the leaders because 6 of the rug rats were ours and one of us (not me) were trying to have more. So being aware of this and not wanting a struggle of power to arise, made "princess" drink more water so my family could still maintain the dominant. Enough of that I cannot tell all of you about my plans to take over the world!!! (Mahahahahahaha)

Any Hoo back to my story..... now since I consider myself young, I am only 26, we have friends that are godparents to our children that don't have any kids. They come to these parties because they feel obligated and we know dirt on them and force them to come. I always enjoy to see the reactions they have around so many kids, this year was priceless... One of the couples (we will call them Jack and Jill) just got married this summer. A little background my husband (I will call him Bill) introduced Jack and Jill, Jill was one of my best friends since high school, and Jack was one of Bill's best friends from college. They always get asked "when you having kids?", I don't ask because I hated being asked that question after I got married. If they had thought about having one soon they changed their minds after this party. They stared in horror at my living room, which was filled with Children. Some kids were screaming at the top of their lungs for their parents, some were running around in a circles chasing each other. The littlest ones, both about 12 months, were crawling around placing things in their mouths. At one point we had 7 babies down with diapers and wipes everywhere doing an assembly line of booty changes. I think at one point Jack asked Jill if she had taken her birth control today. It again, like I said, was priceless. I will have to rethink inviting them to the next party. I will need their help in world domination!!!!!

So my second attempt I will tell you a little bit more of myself. I am currently battling depression so I am taking a wonder drug called Cellexia. This has changed me a bit.... first I have become a better mom and wife. My husband has called my drugs "happy pills" and it has definitely improved my outlook on life. It has also done some damage to my relationship with my Mother. I have come to a realization that my Mother is someone that I no longer look at with wonder. Don't get me wrong I love her, she gave me life and "love". I just no longer respect her in the way that I respect my other Family. Her version of "love" is a one way street. She is quite happy when she is the center of the world. She cannot handle when my siblings and I give our love to each other (not in a sick way... I know what some of you perverts are thinking) or our spouses. In her eyes she should always be #1, first and foremost even to our children, god and each other. She has disowned me recently and that has been OK with me because I am in too fraglie of a mind to deal with her right now. She on the other hand, has pushed her limits to my sister and brother, hoping that pitting each other aganist one another will bring her closer to her (just as it has always done in the past) this time it backfired. They have now disowned her...never saw that one coming...lol. I will say in her crazy way made my experiences with relationships better. I will never make the same mistakes that she has. Two failed marriages, the first to my father, which I am not sad over because I love the woman he now has married to. The second to a horrible man who does not deserve to breathe air (even though he is the father to my 2 half sisters) and is working on her next failed marriage (I give it one more year) to a man not as bad as the second but should be in jail. My mother has been looking for her Prince Charming from Cinderella, some one that will sweep her off her feet, make her a Princess and have the ability to give her whatever she wants. So what has this taught me..... Prince Charming is not real, if you want to get married and have babies, you will find someone who you trust, respect and that makes you satisfied. Marriage and all other important relationships are really hard work, worth sacrifice and compromise. So I dedicate this post to her. Thanks Mom for showing me the wrong way to treat relationships so that I never will.

My first Blog

So my Father was the inspiration for my new found way of expressing myself. I have enjoyed his blog. Things might get said that a Daddy doesn't need to hear about his "little girl". By any means I am not a little girl, I actually have a little girl and boy of my own. My father is a good man, honest, hardworking and loving of my siblings and I and the ungodly amount of Grandchildren we have all given him. He is also grumpy and hardheaded, independent, and sometimes too quiet for his own good. I think his ideal life would be to live in the woods somewhere, alone (well maybe a dog) where he would, smoke, drink and eat whatever the hell he wants and we (my siblings, I and his wife) would come and visit him once a month. He is the sole reason that I am so independent in my beliefs. He and the rest of my dysfunctional family will be topics of this blog. So I dedicate this first Blog to him. So Daddy remember this is a blog... I will not judge you, so don't judge me. If this gets a little to werid for you just stop reading and I promise to do the same for you.