Sometimes I Feel Like Snow White

If I haven't told all of my bloggy friends yet...my parents in law live in my house. They moved in last June and I think are planning on staying forever. So in my house there is 4 adults, 2 kids, a dog....now outside my house I have a small forest (well OK not really a forest just a shit load of woodland creatures. The creatures have not always lived been there that is the work of my father in law we will call him Papa since that is what my babies call him. Papa doesn't work or have any hobbies (well does drinking a 1/2 pint of cheap vodka like a bottle of water a hobby?) but he does like to feed the neighborhood animals. Every morning he gets up, grabs his vodka and his pack of smokes and goes outside to put out peanuts for the squirrels and chipmunks and bird feed for of coarse the birds. Some mornings when I walk outside for my morning smoke and caffeine fix it is nice....I see cardinals, blue jays, a couple of baby squirrels etc. On other days it's scary and I have to go out to the front of the house. The other day I counted and had 13 squirrels, 3 chipmunks, 12 morning doves, countless sparrows....it was like the Albert Hitchcock movie "The Birds". If he doesn't get up on time or god forbid my parents in law are out of town, we have a woodland creature riot. They come up to our windows and peer in...they bark and chirp at my dog when she goes out and does her business etc. Sometimes I like to make believe that I am Snow White and my kids are the dwarfs, maybe the woodland creatures will help me clean the house.....yeah right...they come and poop on my deck and die in my pool. It makes the old man happy....and that is why I tolerate it...oh what we do for love.

My Wedding Day

So Princess of the Universe was commenting on how much she hates the whole wedding scene and I can totally understand. I have a lot of stuff I can blog about today but here I am thinking of my wedding day. So bear with me because it wasn't like most weddings...

First I need to set the day up

I got engaged December 25th 2002, Bill proposed to me while I was coming out of the bathroom in my pj's and him in his boxers while we were living in our first apartment together. My sister, Sookie, spent the night and I got up to tell her Merry Christmas. I needed to freshen up first and Bill wanted to propose to me before I woke her up. It was very cute and Very Bill, he has never been big on a grand production of anything, he is very down to earth.

I told my Maids including Jill and Scarlet, and my sister Sookie that Bill and I will be married October of 2004 so we had plenty of time to plan a big wedding. I had 300+ people that I wanted to invite, big church, big reception and plans for it all. I had my dresses picked out for the ladies and went dress shopping for myself. I took Jill, Scarlet, my Mom and Lin to look at dresses.... The first one I tried on brought tears to my eyes and it was the one (after I tried on 100+ more) That Lin and Sausage bought for me. The picture of the dress is above (no the girl is not me, I was thinner and had red/blonde hair).

Then March of 2004 came along and all hell broke loose.... I just woke up one day... and thought Fuck this!!!! I am not spending all this money on something that no one will remember. The wedding had taken a life on as it's own, so I told Bill that I wanted to get married in May, and I wanted maybe 50 people to be invited including us and the Bridal party. I called the ladies and the fam and told them all to save Memorial day weekend open we were getting hitched. I canceled everything.... Caters, reception hall, the ladies dresses. I told the Maids to go to Macy's or Express and find a black cocktail dress that matched so they could still stand up with us. My Maids freaked out (they all assumed I was Preggers even my parents) but were happy I wasn't going to make them all buy $300 dresses that they couldn't wear again. My parents were all of a sudden willing to pay for more stuff... My Mom paid for some flowers and my Cake, Sausage and Lin paid for a restaurant reception where we had the best meal ever. The Groomsmen still talk about the the awesome steak they got!!!

*Flashback May 29th 2004* Cue flashback music and dreamlike background

I woke up early (around 5am) after spending the night at a hotel that my Mom had rented for me and my friends. I got up and went downstairs to be alone, shortly after Scarlet came down and we talked about life and ate breakfast, had a drink and smoked about 2 packs of cigs. The Maids all got up then and we headed out to get hair done. We got hungry went to Dairy Queen, and ate it at the church where we got our dresses on. I have a great pic of me going out side with a pair of short shorts and a button down top on... made up and all smoking another pack of cigs. We then all got in to our dresses and Sausage came in to walk me down the alse. I cried the whole ceremony.... it didn't help that the Maids did to. Then we hit up the restaurant where....

I looked like a princess and had the best time without all the craziness. I got to walk around with a wine glass in hand and talk to everyone. We finished the night at a local dive with a couple of friends, Lin and Sausage drinking shots and getting shit faced. I have a great pic of Sausage and me drunk, my Jill's husband Jack freak danced with Lin. I ended up with the back of my dress unzipped since I could no loner breathe in the tightness dancing with Bill and the Maids. All and all perfect for me..... maybe I thought I wanted a "dream" wedding but mine was definitely more fun than the rest I have ever been to.

I was Interviewed by a Princess

Princess of the Universe Interviewed me and here are the questions she asked...

1. So your Dad's a blogger too, is that a lot of pressure to live up to? Do you try to make your blog like his?
My father is a blogger too and he did encourage me to start my own. My father is a lot like me in multiple ways and he knew this would be some kind of therapy for me to talk about stuff that sometimes I don't want to. I do try to make it funny since he is, but some of my darker side will come across in some later posts I am just having some fun right now. He is very calculated in what he posts and I am very random, my mind goes I million miles a minute and his does not.
2. On that note, what's the worst thing you ever did as a child and totally got caught and grounded for?
I would have to say when I got caught smoking at a very young age. I used to steal packs of cigs and my father never knew until, they caught my sister with one in her room and she totally ratted me out. I was grounded forever, I was about 12 years old then. I do smoke now and still love the taste of Menthol.
3. I know that your Dad reads this, so is there anything that you did (as a child/five minutes ago) that you're willing to confess to here? (Let's remember this is a public forum- I maybe wouldn't confess to any major felonies here.)
I moved out of my fathers house when I was a freshman in high school and moved in with my mother. I did this to protect her from her 2nd husband and my ex-stepfather. I was a punching bag mentally and physically for 4 years and never told my father until recently. I did it because my stepfather hated me so much and he didn't mess with my mom or my sisters when I moved in. I did do terrible things to him later in life. When I was 17 I got in a huge fight with him and hocked up a huge snot ball and spit in his face, I did it in front of my brothers friend and my brother, when he went to hit me he couldn't because there were witnesses and I was a minor. That was one of the best days of my life, my mother left him about a week later. I came home and she told me to get my stuff we were leaving, we left and I never had to see him again. I keep tabs on him, the day he dies Dumbass and Sookie will go to the funeral, get drinks and dance on his grave. Just the three of us, fuck therapy that it all I need.
4. I feel like I need to censor my questions because of parental participation, so I'm gonna give you a choice on this one:a) How old were you when you lost your virginity? Are you willing to tell the story?b) (G-rated question) What is the worst date you've ever been on?
My father and me are pretty open so I don't mind asking about my virginity. I was 17, January 17th 2000. It was with Derrick my first real boyfriend. It was at his house, in his bed, we were listening to NIN (Fragile disk Left). He was very respectful and asked me an million times, because he wanted to make sure I was ready. It was ok, I was glad that sex got better over the years. ***Warning this might be IMI for some of you*** I am lucky I can have orgasms by intercourse, My husband was the only guy that sex was so good that I found that out.
5. What kind of housekeeper are you? Neat Freak? You name your pet dust bunnies?
I have small children so I like to say that I am clean but cluttered. My kitchen is always spotless and so is my bedroom since those are the only places the babies don't have access to. The rest of the house is full of toys..... mountains and mountains of toys.

xo

The only rules are that you have to link back to this post .

Want to be part of it? Follow these instructions:

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions."

Christmas Cookies and World Domination

So this weekend I was very excited to get to carry on a tradition that my stepmother Lin, as Dad likes to call her, and I started a few years back, we baked Christmas Cookies. I haven't really got to participate since I have normally worked like a dog during these past years as a "Big Box" Manager (90 hours+ during Christmas and I am not shitting you). This year was different and I decided that I was going to make up for the last few years and do a marathon of baking. Lin and I invited my sister in law Princess to help. Princess and I started promptly at 9:00am and Lin joined us around 12:00pm (Lin had to go to the scrapbook store but brought us pizza so it was cool) I am never and I mean never going to be as ambitious as trying to bake 16 different types of cookies again. When we started it was great, I had caffeine in me, the boys (Dumbass and Bill) watched the kids. Afternoon was OK, I started to drink some Grapefruit Vodka and Tonic's and we were moving at a good pace. Then all hell broke loose, the boys came in to the kitchen because they were bored, Dad showed up and we all got talking and forgot about baking , most everyone moved at a snails pace, Princess got sick, I almost started crying because I was so tried. I didn't, I just kept on trucking....... Princess left with Dumbass and Rockstar because she felt like crap and went home. Dad had to go home to feed his and Lin's furry kids that live at there house (3 big dogs).... That left me and Lin, by 11:00pm we were done for the night. The next morning I got up and finished by myself..... another 4 hours went by... That's right 17 hours of baking. If I ever have to look at another fucking cookie it will be too soon. As good as they are, I don't even want to eat them, right now... I probably will tomorrow though. I will say that the cookies are beautiful and "the divas" call me Betty Crocker since I brought them a plate. My back hurts and my fingers have been burnt or cut. So next year maybe just 10 diffrent types.

In other news..... Princess is Preggers!!!!!! I knew making her drink all that water at my house would work. That is why she was so sick.... I found out that next day (Dumbass called me but told Bill first which is a load of crap because he is my brother, not Bills) World Domination here we come!!!!!!!!