Losing My Religion

I was raised by a Mother that grew up as a Pentecostal and a Father that grew up as a Methodist. I was married and I baptised my Children in the Methodist church. My Mother has gone through many transformations over the years depending on the man she was married to, she was once a Catholic but also dabbled in Baptist and Lutheran faiths. My Father has gone through many transformations over the years as well, right now he studies in the church of drinking and smoking. Faith has always been a part of my life but recently I realized it has been a long time since I have "talked to God".

Last week I had a employee of mine that is going through some really tough times. She came to my "office" and broke down crying. Me being the type of person that I am, asked her how I could help. Her answer "Pray for me Alice, please pray with me right now". I honored her request by bowing my head and holding her hands, waiting for her to speak to God. She looked up and said "you say the prayer, I am not worthy to talk to him right now." I was taken back. I have forgotten how to pray, for a loss of words I stumbled through a prayer that I hope was acceptable in her eyes. It has really bothered me since. Have I really forgot the way I was?

The answer is yes I have, my thoughts on religion have changed drastically since I have gotten older. I still believe in God but my understanding and thoughts on life and death have changed. I no longer believe you just to to Heaven because you believe in and accept a certain faith. There are too many people that believe too many different things in this world for us to have just one God. So here is my thoughts and beliefs no matter how convoluted they may seem to the rest of you.

We are are born and for the short time we spend on this Earth we are in search of something. Once we leave the current vessel we are in, our "soul" is released. If we find it the something that we are looking for to fulfill our lives then our "quest" is over we go to what ever is "heaven". If not ,we come back over and over until we find what we are looking for. I cannot believe that a life that may only last for a few seconds or years has that one chance to go to "heaven". I am still searching for whatever it is I am suppose to to seeking and I feel that I have done that for a very long time, longer than the current life I am living.

Think what you want, my God has given me free will to think what I like. Hope all of you find what you are looking for.